This quote from Don Miguel Ruiz's "Four Agreements" helped me when I was facing the rage that my ex boyfriend spewed at me as I was moving out. I was full-on exercising self-blame for the ending of our relationship, thinking "If I wasn't so emotional on chemo, if I wasn't so full of fear, if only I wasn't so needy during treatment, he would not have broken up with me....." This quote saved me. It's not me, or the way I acted - I was not loved unconditionally. His reactions are his own, and if it wasn't cancer treatment, it would have been something else sooner or later. People act the way they act because of their own fears, restrictions and insecurities. They will act the same with another person - it's not you, and you can't control how someone behaves. What I try to do is "watch" people as if I am watching a scene, and not take their behavior personally.