I have been a smoker on and off for about ten years. I wasn't addicted to the nicotine, I was an emotional and a social smoker. I picked up smoking while I was studying in Florence, Italy during the 2013-2014 school year, and threw the pack out when I got diagnosed with breast cancer. It's only logical that a person with cancer would quit doing anything that would harm their health, right? About three months into treatment, I picked up the cancer sticks again. The fear and loneliness I was enduring was abysmal, and the stress at home unsurmountable. I picked up what I thought was a friend of mine, a way to escape, but the beast came in the form of cigarettes. I mentioned it at a cancer support group meeting and one woman pulled me aside, saying "Smoke American Spirits, they are made out of organic tobacco, so you smoke less chemicals." I felt like I had just gotten the blessing to smoke, so I switched to the yellow box of organic American Spirits and puffed away. Not even a week after I moved, the cigarettes  tasted bad to me, so I decided to leave the unhealthy things behind me - my relationship and the cigarettes. My focus is to move forward and bring loving kindness to my life, including how I treat my body and my mind. It hasn't been easy, often times when I am flooded with remorse from the break up, I want to smoke my feelings away. But I power through it, change my thought, call a friend, start a task, and my smoking days get further behind me.