HOW TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER A BROKEN HEART

I have no idea. It's been several weeks since the break up. This was the worst kind of abandonment I could possibly feel - a loving boyfriend, who seemed emotionally stable and available at first, turns into a name-calling, stonewalling stranger, calling me a burden and kicking me to the curb. I didn't know who I was with anymore, and that scarred me. Should one of the questions besides "Do you want to have children, get married, be in a committed relationship?" also be "Will you leave when the going gets tough, if I get sick again?" Needless to say, I've come out of this last relationship with trust issues. I've been told you don't know how a person really is until you see him go through a tough time. I was no peach after my cancer diagnosis, but I had cancer as an excuse, what was his? My friends suggest I put myself on an online dating site, but I can't imagine I have anything to say yet; I'm still reeling from the mastectomy, the break up and the move - that doesn't make for intriguing conversation! I don't want to enter into a relationship with baggage. I choose a partner to have fun and grow with, not to make me whole. I feel like I'm in limbo right now, trying to find my new identity, and leave the victimized cancer, kicked-out, dumped-girl behind. What does that woman look like? When will this beast leave me? I have to kick that beast in it's ass, or make friends with it, like buddhist monks do.