Beauty Through The Beast
Beauty Through The Beast
Fighting Breast Cancer with Style
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Fighting Breast Cancer With Style

Triple Negative Metastatic

 
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the Blog

 
 
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About Chiara D’Agostino

I WANT TO FULFILL MY WILDEST DREAMS

After the tumultuous journey of a life-changing experience - cancer, I am ready for the next positive adventure. I want to REALLY live, not merely pay my bills; pursue something with intention, that I LOVE- that makes me enthusiastically stay up at night and put on my heels in the morning and continue with fervor! What does that look like?

 
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I’ve lost 14 pounds. So I’m down to 130. Which is normal for me. It see this pound in my belly? It’s my new diagnosis: mesenteric paniculitis - an inflammation of the mesentary which apparently holds your intestines together. It’s extremely painful@and I often can’t go to the bathroom properly and I’m in excruciating pain. Bloating pain. Like I’ve had to buy bigger clothes to fit me. They don’t know much about #mesentericpanniculitis just hat or sucks and hurts: especially the weeks I take capecitabine, then it’s like knives in my stomach. Imagine having an eating disorder and being 10 years sober from@drugs and alcohol and all of a sudden having opioids shoved down you and all kinds of food restrictions and shit I gotta do to just shit or be comfortable without tons of abdominal pain. ApppRently TNBC can come back in the abdomen. #miserable #imallowedtobe #scared #gratefulforresearch #gratefulfordoctors #gratefulforthoseofyouthatrreachout #metastaticbreastcancer #thisismbc #tnbc #affordablecareactissavingmylife #triplenegativebreastcancer #infusion #chemotherapy #immunotherapy #beautyAINTfeelingbeautiful #beautythroughthebeast
I came to see my oncologist. My per la as brown. My liver biliurim@is 4.75. I was supposed to get #atezolizumab #immunotherapy #infusion today but couldn’t. Instead im@being addmittes to the hospital@here at Columbia Presbyterian on upper west side of NYC. Once I get a room I’ll ask for visitors please. I got an ultrasound of the liver. Waiting for results. I’m so so weak so I’m now getting fluids. I’ve lost 14 pounds in less than 2 weeks. my hair is falling out. I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m fed up. Im@EXHAUSTED. And I wonder if this is it. My insides could be failing. Hey, it happens, I do have #Metastaticbreastcancer Maybe I’ve been wishing my life away and it’s finally coming. When I can be active, I’m happy. I’ve been enjoying modeling lately with a new modeling agency and attending breast cancer conferences where I can advocate. Without those what else? I lay on my couch, play fetch with my cute kitty Amore, vape, cry, crochet, watch too@much TV..... #admitted #cancer #itgetsworse #metastaticbreastcancer #tnbc #triplenegativebreastcancer
It may not seem like a lot of hair, but it’s coming out in clumps. I’m afraid to wash my hair. #immunotherapy #tecentriq #atezolizumab #chemohair This will be my third hair loss due to chemo. I hope it just thins. Still, fucking scary and I hate having lose hairs all@over me it triggers me to no end. I need more anti- anxiety pills .
I’ve been fed. Thank you for your help. A woman flew here for a few days to help me, another survivor whom I’d never met. I spent the days still doubled over in pain but I finally got steroids in me on Monday, with more drugs, and I’ve been able to keep bits of food down. The trick is the opiods continuate me and I have a new diagnosis of mesenteric panniculitis in my abdomen so pills, food, eating hurts. That tracks havoc on my eating disorder. Not being able to shit for days is painful when I feel like I have knives stabbing my stomach. I’ve been out of the house twice in 2 weeks - once for coffee and the other for a doctor. I’ve lost 13 pounds from all the vomitting. Im weak, fed up, exhausted and tired. I also started Tecentriq, or Atezolizumab an immunotherapy now approved for TNBC. On top of the Capecitabine I take every other week. So I’m back to infusions - heading in today. My hair is falling out in clumps. This will be my third time losing my hair from chemotherapy. I’m terrified of these changes - terrified of the pain and all the side effects. I had travel grants to advocate in Washington DC last week and couldn’t go because of my spinning head. Thank you for your help. I still do need it. If you’re kind enough to reach out please do. I’m a child of the 70’s so I’m not always attached to my cell phone. In fact it overwhelmed me. But I know that if I pick up this piece of electronic and click a few buttons I might find a phrase or a hand reaching out in real life. I do best in real life. And yes I’ve lost even more friends after gamma knife surgery. The 3-4 I thought we’re close and got it fled. I get angry when I ask my friends for help when I know I’ll be very sick from@treatment and they have lives. And then I isolate. I can’t say people with metastatic breast cancer can relate or reach out- because I’ve been in this community for 5 years. A friend recently admitted saying she knows im@suffering. Period. Lives down the street affluent and has a major kitchen. Nothing. I don’t know what to say to that. You’re watching me suffering and.....period?” Just like itbhurts when I watch all the cancer woman and men I see at conferences and we are